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After I Lose It: The Repair Plan

You lost it. You're human, parenting on hard mode. What happens in the next 24 hours matters more than what happened in those 3 minutes. This page is the next 24 hours - no judgment, just a way back.

No shame here: This sheet isn't a report card. Every parent who's ever lived has a moment like this. You're here because you care - that's the opposite of a bad parent.

What happened (no shame, just data)

Facts only - no adjectives about yourself.

The setup - how depleted was I already? (check any)

  • [ ] Short on sleep
  • [ ] Hungry / hadn't eaten
  • [ ] Too much noise
  • [ ] Under a deadline / rushing

Anything else in the tank:
______________________________________________

The trigger moment:
______________________________________________

What I did:
______________________________________________

What my child did:
______________________________________________

My stress signature

When I'm past my limit, I tend to... (check what fits - most of us have a lean)

  • [ ] Give in / negotiate endlessly / avoid asking anything
  • [ ] Snap fast / get loud / punish bigger than I mean to
  • [ ] Say cutting things / use a tone I'd hate on tape

My earliest body warning sign is... (jaw / heat / voice drops / hands):
______________________________________________

The repair conversation

Four moves. Say them your way - examples are in the prompts.

1. Name it plainly - e.g., 'I yelled. That was scary, and it wasn't your fault.'

Name it:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

2. Own it without ifs - just 'I'm sorry.' (No 'I'm sorry, but...' and no 'I'm sorry you...')

Own it:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

3. Say what's true underneath - e.g., 'I was overwhelmed. Grown-ups get dysregulated too. It's my job to handle my own storm.'

What's true underneath:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

4. Reconnect on their terms - their choice: hug / sit nearby / play / space.

How we'll reconnect:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Repair can land sideways: With autistic kids, repair often lands better sideways - in the car, mid-game, or on a note - than face-to-face. That still counts. It all counts.

What I'll try 10% earlier next time

ONE thing only. Not a self-improvement plan - one move.

  • [ ] Leave the room for 60 seconds
  • [ ] Lower my voice on purpose
  • [ ] Touch water (hands, face, a drink)
  • [ ] Say 'I need a minute' out loud
  • [ ] Hand off to my partner

Or my own one move:
______________________________________________

The kindness clause

Read it. Mean it. Sign it.

The kindness clause: I'm allowed to be a work in progress and a good parent at the same time.

Signed:
______________________________________________

Date:
______________________________________________

You opened the sheet instead of spiraling: That's the whole thing. Go knock on their door - you've got the words now.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

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