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Every Kid in the House

Fair doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing. It means everyone gets what they need - including the kid who never asks. This sheet helps you spot the child who's gone quiet, and turn 'fair isn't same' into an actual plan.

Works for two kids or four: Fill in a block for each - and let the ones that sting be information, not guilt.

Each kid, one at a time

Child 1

Name & age:
______________________________________________

What this kid needs most right now:
______________________________________________

What they're worried about but might not say:
______________________________________________

How do they show stress? (check any)

  • [ ] Gets quiet
  • [ ] Gets perfect
  • [ ] Gets angry
  • [ ] Disappears into screens
  • [ ] Clings

Other:
______________________________________________

The last time they had me completely to themselves:
______________________________________________

Child 2

Name & age:
______________________________________________

What this kid needs most right now:
______________________________________________

What they're worried about but might not say:
______________________________________________

How do they show stress? (check any)

  • [ ] Gets quiet
  • [ ] Gets perfect
  • [ ] Gets angry
  • [ ] Disappears into screens
  • [ ] Clings

Other:
______________________________________________

The last time they had me completely to themselves:
______________________________________________

Child 3

Name & age:
______________________________________________

What this kid needs most right now:
______________________________________________

What they're worried about but might not say:
______________________________________________

How do they show stress? (check any)

  • [ ] Gets quiet
  • [ ] Gets perfect
  • [ ] Gets angry
  • [ ] Disappears into screens
  • [ ] Clings

Other:
______________________________________________

The last time they had me completely to themselves:
______________________________________________

More than three kids? Print a second copy for the rest - every kid gets a block.

Glass-child check

Yes/no - no score. One honest yes is information; three is a pattern worth acting on this week.

  • [ ] One of my kids rarely asks for anything
  • [ ] One gets described as 'so easy' or 'the mature one'
  • [ ] One apologizes for needing things
  • [ ] One knows way more about their sibling's needs than any kid should
  • [ ] I've said 'not now' to the same child three requests in a row
  • [ ] One child's events or wins get rescheduled around the other's needs

Fair-isn't-same translator

What each child needs, and what that actually looks like this week.

Example — What this child needs: Decompression after school · What that looks like this week: Child A: 30 min alone, headphones. Child B: 15 min of me, undivided, snack + debrief.

Row 2

  • What this child needs: ____________________
  • What that looks like this week: ____________________

Row 3

  • What this child needs: ____________________
  • What that looks like this week: ____________________

The one-on-one plan

15 protected minutes per kid, doing what THEY pick. The rule: this doesn't get canceled because of a meltdown elsewhere - it gets moved, visibly, to a named new time.

Child 1 - day:
______________________________________________

time:
______________________________________________

their choice:
______________________________________________

Child 2 - day:
______________________________________________

time:
______________________________________________

their choice:
______________________________________________

Child 3 - day:
______________________________________________

time:
______________________________________________

their choice:
______________________________________________

When siblings ask hard questions

The questions siblings ask, with identity-positive answers to make your own.

Example — They ask: Why does he get away with it? · A way to answer: 'He's not getting away with it - he needs different things right now, the way you do sometimes too.'

Example — They ask: Will I catch it? · A way to answer: 'Autism isn't something you catch - it's how someone's brain is built from the very start.'

Example — They ask: Why can't we ever...? · A way to answer: 'I know it's felt that way lately. Let's plan something that's just ours.'

My own words for the questions my kids ask:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

What I'll say out loud this week

One sentence of appreciation per child - written now so it actually gets said.

To child 1:
______________________________________________

To child 2:
______________________________________________

To child 3:
______________________________________________

Especially the easy one: Every kid in your house is lucky to have a parent thinking this hard about them - including the easy one. Especially the easy one.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

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