She Rocks the Spectrum

Love List

Tell your partner — specifically — what makes you feel loved.

Most couples assume their partner already knows how to make them feel loved. Most are wrong. This worksheet replaces the guessing with a list — at least twenty specific, actionable things — that your partner can actually do.

The rules

• Think of what makes YOU feel loved — not your partner's shortcomings.
• Be specific and actionable — 'be more affectionate' isn't useful.
• List at least 20 — don't stop before 20.
• Star items already happening that you want to continue.
• Read the list to your partner using Reflective Listening — don't just hand it over.

Some examples: …you reach for my hand when we walk. …you send me a sweet text mid-day. …you drop everything and hug me when I come home. …you thank me for making dinner. …you run your hand through my hair. …you walk around the block with me after dinner.

Step 1 — Write your list

Don't stop until you have 20. Be specific. Star (★) the items already happening that you want to continue.

01. I feel loved when…
______________________________________________

02.
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03.
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04.
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05.
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06.
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07.
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08.
______________________________________________

09.
______________________________________________

10.
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11.
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12.
______________________________________________

13.
______________________________________________

14.
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15.
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16.
______________________________________________

17.
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18.
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19.
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20.
______________________________________________

Step 2 — Share it together

• Read it together — don't just hand it over. Take turns reading aloud a few items at a time. Use Reflective Listening: 'What I'm hearing is ___. Is that right?'
• Don't try to react to everything at once. A few items per session is plenty.
• Tape your partner's list to the bathroom mirror. Read it every morning. Pick one thing from their list to do that day.
• Don't be defensive. If their list contains things you haven't been doing — that's information, not an indictment.
• Update every three months. What feels loving in winter doesn't always feel loving in summer.