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Making Friends as an Adult

Making friends as an adult is genuinely hard — the built-in structures of school are gone, and it takes repeated, low-key contact for closeness to grow. If you're lonely, that's not a personal failure; it's a common, fixable situation.

Where my people might be

Friendship tends to grow from repeated contact around a shared thing. Where do you already (or could you) show up regularly?

Think about

  • A special interest or hobby group
  • A class, club, or volunteering
  • Online communities that meet up
  • People you already half-know (colleagues, neighbors)

Places I could show up regularly

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The hard part

What tends to get in the way for you?

What's hard about this for me (initiating, small talk, energy, fear of rejection, masking)

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Lower the bar

You don't need a best friend by Friday. The unit of friendship is one small, repeatable contact.

One small step I could take this week (a message, showing up once, suggesting a coffee)

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A low-pressure opener I could use

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Loneliness check-in

How connected I feel right now
Rate from 0 (Very alone) to 10 (Well connected): ____

Depth takes time: Most friendships need several low-stakes repeats before they feel real. Awkward early contact isn't failure — it's the normal, necessary middle.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

  • Friends, Family, and Parenting as an ADHDer, from The Adult ADHD Course. Why ADHD friendships drift but stay revivable, parenting a brain like yours, and what helps.
  • Finding Your People, from Self-Identification. What the community offers, how to walk into it, and what to expect once you are there.
  • Friendship and Belonging, from The Autistic Woman. Why friendship feels like a studied language for autistic women, and how to find your people.
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