She Rocks the Spectrum

Mapping My Demand Triggers

With demand avoidance, the trigger is rarely the task itself — it's the demand charge attached to it. The same activity can feel fine when it's your idea and impossible when it's expected. This maps which specific things register as demands for you, so they're easier to spot and soften.

Which things register as a demand?

• [ ] A direct request
• [ ] A question
• [ ] A deadline or time pressure
• [ ] Being watched or waited for
• [ ] Pressure-y praise ('you're so good at this!')
• [ ] My own to-do list or my own plans

Other things that carry a demand charge for me

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What it feels like when the alarm fires

What happens in my body and mind — the early signs

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Small experiments

Pick one trigger and try a smaller, lower-stakes version of it — just to notice what happens.

One or two experiments to try this week

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The task isn't the enemy: Knowing it's the demand charge — not the activity — means you can often keep the task and just lower the pressure around it.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Demand Avoidance and PDA, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why demands register as threats in PDA, why it fires even for things you want, and the low-demand approaches that help.
• PDA in the Couple, from The Neurodiverse Couple. Why a loving partner's everyday request can trip an automatic 'no,' the equity-seeking reframe, the pressure cycle, and why honesty helps most.
• EDA-QA — Demand Avoidance and PDA Traits, from Autistic Self-Discovery. Why a task is easy as your own idea and impossible when it is asked, what the EDA-QA really measures, and why PDA is still disputed.