top of page

Mapping the Parts of You

Most people, if they are honest, are not one voice. There is the one that plans, the one that criticizes, the one that wants to get out of here right now, and somewhere further back, a younger one carrying something heavy. Naming them separately is a surprisingly practical thing to do — it is much easier to work with a part of yourself than with all of yourself at once.

Do the deeper end with your therapist: The naming and sorting on this page is safe to do alone. The moment you get close to a younger, hurt part — something tender, something with a memory attached — that is work to do with someone beside you. If a section here opens something bigger than expected, stop, and bring the page to your next session.

One ground rule runs through all of it: no part of you is the enemy. Even the one that sabotages you, even the one that will not stop criticizing, is running an old strategy for keeping you safe. The strategy may be badly out of date. The intention almost never is.

This approach comes out of Internal Family Systems, a model that has been around for decades and is used widely in therapy. This is New Path's own version of the exercise, written for doing on your own between sessions.

Settle first

Before you write anything

  • Find somewhere you will not be interrupted for about twenty minutes.
  • Take a few slow breaths, longer on the way out than the way in.
  • Set the expectation low. You are taking an inventory, not fixing anything today.
  • Remind yourself once, in words: everything in here is trying to help, in its own way.

1. Name who shows up

List the voices, moods, or roles you recognize in yourself. Give each one a short name — a nickname is fine, and often better than a clinical word. Six is plenty to start with; you will notice more later.

Prompts if nothing comes

  • Who takes over when you are under pressure?
  • Who shows up when you are relaxed, curious, or having fun?
  • Which one pushes you to work harder, and what does it say?
  • Which one wants to leave, scroll, drink, or sleep when things get intense?
  • Which one apologizes first, before anyone has even asked?
  • Is there a younger one you can feel somewhere behind all of them?

Names other people have used: The Planner. The One Who Checks. The Fixer. The Kid Who Waits To Be Told Off. The Disappearing Act. The Host. The One Who Does Not Need Anything.

Your parts

Row 1

  • What you call it: ____________________
  • When it shows up: ____________________
  • What it sounds like inside your head: ____________________

Row 2

  • What you call it: ____________________
  • When it shows up: ____________________
  • What it sounds like inside your head: ____________________

Row 3

  • What you call it: ____________________
  • When it shows up: ____________________
  • What it sounds like inside your head: ____________________

Row 4

  • What you call it: ____________________
  • When it shows up: ____________________
  • What it sounds like inside your head: ____________________

Row 5

  • What you call it: ____________________
  • When it shows up: ____________________
  • What it sounds like inside your head: ____________________

Row 6

  • What you call it: ____________________
  • When it shows up: ____________________
  • What it sounds like inside your head: ____________________

2. Sort them by the job they are doing

Parts tend to fall into three broad jobs. Two of them are protective and work at different speeds; the third is what the other two are protecting.

Three jobs

Example — The job: Planning ahead · What it is doing: Keeping life under control so nothing painful gets a chance to happen. Slow, steady, always on. · How you might notice it: Lists, rehearsing conversations, perfectionism, over-preparing, keeping everyone happy.

Example — The job: Putting out fires · What it is doing: Shutting down a feeling that has already arrived, fast and by any means available. · How you might notice it: Scrolling, snapping, drinking, sleeping, leaving the room, going completely blank.

Example — The job: Carrying the weight · What it is doing: Holding the hurt the other two are working to keep out of reach. Usually young. Usually hidden. · How you might notice it: Old shame, loneliness, a feeling that turns up out of proportion to what just happened.

In Internal Family Systems these three are usually called managers, firefighters, and exiles. Use whichever names sit better with you — the sorting matters more than the vocabulary.

Go back to your list and put each part into one of the three jobs. Some parts do two jobs, or have changed jobs over the years. Note that rather than forcing a choice.

Sorting

Row 1

  • Part: ____________________
  • Its job (Planning ahead / Putting out fires / Carrying the weight / More than one): ____________________
  • Anything worth noting: ____________________

Row 2

  • Part: ____________________
  • Its job (Planning ahead / Putting out fires / Carrying the weight / More than one): ____________________
  • Anything worth noting: ____________________

Row 3

  • Part: ____________________
  • Its job (Planning ahead / Putting out fires / Carrying the weight / More than one): ____________________
  • Anything worth noting: ____________________

Row 4

  • Part: ____________________
  • Its job (Planning ahead / Putting out fires / Carrying the weight / More than one): ____________________
  • Anything worth noting: ____________________

Row 5

  • Part: ____________________
  • Its job (Planning ahead / Putting out fires / Carrying the weight / More than one): ____________________
  • Anything worth noting: ____________________

Row 6

  • Part: ____________________
  • Its job (Planning ahead / Putting out fires / Carrying the weight / More than one): ____________________
  • Anything worth noting: ____________________

3. Get curious about one of them

Pick one part — ideally a protective one rather than the most tender one, for a first pass. Answer as if you were interviewing someone you were genuinely interested in, not someone you had come to correct.

Which part are you looking at?
______________________________________________

What is its actual job? What is it in charge of?

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

How do you feel toward it right now? Be honest — irritation and gratitude both count.

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

When does it arrive? What kind of moment calls it up?

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

If it could speak plainly, what would it want you to know?

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

What is it afraid would happen if it stopped doing its job for a week?

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

How far back can you remember it being around?
e.g. an age, a house, a situation
______________________________________________

That last answer is often the most useful one on the page. A part that has been on duty since you were nine is not going to stand down because you told it to this morning.

4. How they set each other off

Parts do not operate alone. One tightens, another reacts to the tightening, a third turns up to clean up the mess. Writing those chains out in words shows you the pattern more usefully than trying to hold it all in your head.

One chain, written out: The Planner gets strict about the week → The Kid Who Waits To Be Told Off starts bracing → The Disappearing Act shows up around 9pm with four hours of nothing. What the whole chain is protecting: not being found out as someone who cannot keep up.

Write out the chains you recognize. Two or three real ones are worth more than six invented ones.

Chains

Row 1

  • When this part is active: ____________________
  • This one turns up: ____________________
  • What the pair is protecting: ____________________

Row 2

  • When this part is active: ____________________
  • This one turns up: ____________________
  • What the pair is protecting: ____________________

Row 3

  • When this part is active: ____________________
  • This one turns up: ____________________
  • What the pair is protecting: ____________________

Row 4

  • When this part is active: ____________________
  • This one turns up: ____________________
  • What the pair is protecting: ____________________

Row 5

  • When this part is active: ____________________
  • This one turns up: ____________________
  • What the pair is protecting: ____________________

There is also a you that is not any of these parts — steadier, more curious, able to look at all of it. When have you felt most like that?

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

5. Close with something kind

How to finish

  • Put a hand somewhere solid — your chest, your knee — and breathe out slowly a few times.
  • Say thank you to the parts that have been on duty a long time, even the ones that make your life harder.
  • Notice if anything in you objects to being thanked. That is worth knowing too.
  • Do something ordinary and grounding afterward. Do not go straight into a meeting.

One sentence you can say to all of them
e.g. something you would actually believe on a bad day
______________________________________________

Keep it going

Small ongoing practice

  • Add a part whenever you notice a new one. The list is never finished.
  • Once a week, ask: which parts have been running things these last few days?
  • Before a hard conversation, ask which part is about to do the talking.
  • Bring this page to therapy — especially the chains and anything you could not finish.

Nobody in here is the villain: The part you like least is usually the one that has worked hardest on your behalf, with the worst information and the fewest options. You are not trying to get rid of it. You are trying to get close enough that it no longer has to do the job alone.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

  • Emotional Dysregulation & Alexithymia, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why neurodivergent emotions hit harder, later, and longer; what alexithymia is; and how to build an emotional first-aid kit.
  • Self-Esteem, Identity, and Late Diagnosis, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why misunderstanding erodes neurodivergent self-worth, what late diagnosis really feels like, and how to reauthor your story.
bottom of page