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Our Family Operating Manual

Twenty-two modules later, you know more about your child - and yourself - than most professionals who will ever meet them. This manual is where that knowledge lives, so 2am-you, next-year's-teacher, and grandma all get the benefit. Fill it in, print it, and put it where it'll be used.

Your family's keepsake: This is the deliverable of the whole course - one place for who your child is, the plans for hard moments, the school page, and your own care plan. Each page stands alone, so you can hand just one to whoever needs it.

Our family's name:
______________________________________________

Date:
______________________________________________

There's room to add a family photo or a drawing when you print this.

Our child, in one page (M1–2)

Name / nickname:
______________________________________________

Five things that make them THEM:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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How they communicate - and what it looks like when words are gone:

______________________________________________
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Their deep interests right now:

______________________________________________
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What they're afraid people think of them:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

The sensory map (M5)

Overwhelms (check + add specifics):

  • [ ] Sound
  • [ ] Light
  • [ ] Touch
  • [ ] Smell
  • [ ] Crowds

Overwhelm specifics:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Regulates (check + add specifics):

  • [ ] Pressure
  • [ ] Movement
  • [ ] Music
  • [ ] Chewing
  • [ ] Dark
  • [ ] Quiet

Regulate specifics:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Early overload warning signs (in order, if known):

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Our exit plan in public (who says the code word, where we go):

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

The meltdown & aftercare plan (M7, M13)

Before - pressure valves that help:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

During - what helps vs. what makes it worse:

Example — What helps: Fewer words, more space · What makes it worse: Questions, reasoning, touching without asking

Row 2

  • What helps: ____________________
  • What makes it worse: ____________________

After - aftercare menu (e.g., water, dark, weighted blanket, no post-mortem for X hours):

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

What WE do to stay regulated while it happens:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

The demand-pressure valve (M8)

Our child's demand tells:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Our lowest-pressure phrasings that work (declarative language - e.g., 'I see shoes by the door' instead of 'put your shoes away'):

Low-pressure phrasings:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Standing low-demand escape hatches (the opt-out that's always available):

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

The school one-pager (M16)

Designed to photocopy and hand to a new teacher as-is.

What helps in class:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

What escalates things:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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Accommodations in the IEP/504:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

How to reach us:
______________________________________________

One sentence about who our kid is, beyond the file:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

The parent-care plan (M18–21)

My earliest burnout warning sign:
______________________________________________

My non-negotiable weekly recharge (a protected slot - it can move, visibly, but it doesn't vanish):

Recharge - day:
______________________________________________

time:
______________________________________________

what:
______________________________________________

Who I call when it's bad:
______________________________________________

For my support person - fill in the blanks:

When you see ___ (my warning sign):
______________________________________________

...please ___ (what actually helps):
______________________________________________

If I'm neurodivergent too - my own accommodations at home (M21):

______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Our family's strengths

What our family does better than anyone:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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A year from now, we hope...

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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Signatures (kids too, any way they sign):
______________________________________________

Date:
______________________________________________

Put it on the fridge: This is yours now - the whole course, distilled into the people you love. Put it on the fridge or in the school binder. Anyone who reads it could keep your child safe, regulated, and understood for an afternoon. That's no small thing - that's you.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

  • Your Family Operating Manual, from Parenting Autism. Pull the whole course into one living family manual, with a fridge-door page and a weekly huddle.
  • Meltdowns and Shutdowns, from Parenting Autism. Meltdown vs tantrum, shutdowns as the quiet exit, why shame outlasts the storm, and aftercare that works — a free module for parents of autistic kids.
  • School: IEPs, 504s, and Advocacy, from Parenting Autism. IEP vs 504 in plain language, how to prep for a school meeting, keeping the file, and what to do when school itself is the stressor.
  • Parenting Stress and Caregiver Burnout, from Parenting Autism. The load is real, refilling your cup isn't selfish, and asking for help halves it.
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