She Rocks the Spectrum

Reflecting on the Need to Mask

A careful look at where, when, and around whom you mask — and what it would take to put even one mask down.

Masking is what we call the constant, often-invisible work autistic people do to look and sound more neurotypical than we are. Suppressing a stim. Pre-rehearsing a phone call. Smiling at the right second. Filing down the parts of how we naturally speak so they don't unsettle the listener. Most autistic adults have been doing some version of this since childhood, and most of us don't realize how much energy it takes until we either burn out or stop.

This worksheet is not a recommendation to stop masking everywhere. Masking is often a survival strategy in genuinely unsafe environments. The point is to map it on purpose — so you can choose.

Important: Unmasking is not always safe and not always advisable. Some workplaces, families, and communities are not friendly to autistic ways of being. Choosing to keep a mask in a hostile setting is not a failure — it's strategy. This worksheet is here to put that choice back in your hands.

Section 1 — Where I Mask

Below are common contexts. For each one, mark roughly how heavily you mask there.

With my partner / closest person

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

With my parents / family of origin

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

With my own children

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

With close friends

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

With acquaintances

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

At work, day to day

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

At work, in meetings or in front of leadership

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

With medical or mental health providers

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

In customer service interactions

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

In public, with strangers around

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

Online, in text

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

Online, on camera

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

When alone

• Don't mask: ____________________
• Mask a little: ____________________
• Mask moderately: ____________________
• Mask heavily: ____________________

Section 2 — What Masking Actually Costs Me

Mark every cost that's been true at some point. Be honest — this is what the rest of the worksheet will work with.

• [ ] Bone-deep fatigue at the end of the day, disproportionate to what I did
• [ ] Needing hours or days to recover from short social events
• [ ] Meltdowns or shutdowns once I get home
• [ ] Losing track of what I actually feel
• [ ] Loneliness even with people who 'like' me — because they like the mask
• [ ] Autistic burnout (loss of function, loss of skills I used to have)
• [ ] Not being sure which parts of me are real and which are the mask
• [ ] Chronic health stuff that seems to track with masking-heavy stretches
• [ ] Anxiety, depression, or rumination that flares after masked days
• [ ] Stims, special interests, or natural behaviors I've actively suppressed

Section 3 — The Cheapest Place to Start

Look back at your masking grid. Find the lightest mask you wear — the context where you mask the least and the people are the safest. That's where unmasking experiments start, not in the highest-stakes places.

The safest context I could try unmasking a little more in:
______________________________________________

One specific masking behavior I could let go of there (a stim I usually hide, eye contact I usually force, an enthusiasm I usually flatten):

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

What I'm afraid will happen if I do:

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

What I'd need to feel okay trying it (a person who knows what I'm doing, a low-stakes time, an exit plan):

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Section 4 — What I'm Not Ready to Unmask

Equally important. Not every mask needs to come off. Be specific about the ones you're keeping for now, and why.

The masks I'm keeping right now, and why (this is allowed; this is wise):

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Inspired by: Inspired by Devon Price's Reflecting on the Need to Mask exercise in Unmasking Autism (Harmony, 2022). The grid, prompts, and structure above are our own.

A gentle note: This worksheet is a learning tool, not treatment. If what comes up for you feels too big to hold alone, please work with a qualified clinician.