She Rocks the Spectrum

RSD Repair Plan

RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) is most often discussed in ADHD, but many autistic clients also describe intense rejection sensitivity, shame, or threat responses around perceived rejection. A neutral 'not tonight' can land as 'I am unwanted' or 'I am fundamentally undesirable,' even when the partner doesn't mean that. This worksheet builds your repair plan for after RSD has hit.

Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.

Note: RSD is widely used clinically but is not a formal DSM diagnosis. The academic research base is still emerging. We use the term because it captures something real about the experience — not because the science is settled.

1 — What my RSD hit looks like

Physical signs (heat, tightness, tears, going still, pulling away)

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The sentence that runs in my head

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What I usually do next (withdraw, lash out, mask harder, shut down)

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How long does it usually last? Hours, days?
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2 — Pre-plan: what we will do

Decide together, in advance, when the storm isn't hitting.

Code phrase the RSD partner can use ('I'm in it' / 'RSD spike' / something else)
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What the OTHER partner will do when they hear that phrase

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How long we'll wait before processing (24h? 48h? next session?)
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3 — The no-debate rule

The asker doesn't debate the 'no.' The no-sayer acknowledges the reach. Both protect the integrity of the 'no' option. When that option is safe, the 'yes' becomes real.

How we phrase a 'no' that doesn't feel like rejection

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How we phrase 'not now' with a real next time

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What the higher-desire partner will do if they get hit by RSD instead of asking again

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4 — Soothing the storm

What actually helps when you're in it. Check the ones that work for you.

• [ ] Cold water on face / hands
• [ ] A weighted blanket
• [ ] Stim that's familiar (rocking, fidget, movement)
• [ ] A specific song / playlist
• [ ] Going for a walk alone
• [ ] Naming it out loud ('RSD spike')

A specific phrase from partner
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• [ ] Time alone, then come back

5 — The repair conversation

Wait until both partners are out of the storm. Then run the conversation, in order.

RSD partner names what hit (without the partner correcting)

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Other partner reflects what they heard (no defense)

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Other partner shares what they actually meant (briefly)

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Together: what would have helped in the moment?

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Together: what we'll try differently next time

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Naming RSD doesn't excuse hurtful behavior: It makes the dynamic visible so both partners can work on it. If the RSD partner is using shutdown or withdrawal as punishment, that's a separate problem and needs therapy support.