She Rocks the Spectrum

Scheduled Intimacy Agreement

Scheduling intimacy protects the opportunity for intimacy — not the act. Both partners agree, in writing, on the timing, the onramp, the sensory prep, what counts as a yes / no / not-now, and what happens if it doesn't happen. The schedule reduces the activation cost of getting there. Either partner can still say no on the day.

Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.

Important: Scheduling does not equal required sex. The integrity of the 'no' option is what protects future 'yeses.' Don't use this agreement to pressure your partner into anything they don't want.

1 — The timing

Day(s) of the week we're scheduling
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Start time / end time
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Who's responsible for childcare / interruptions / phone-off

______________________________________________
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Frequency: weekly / bi-weekly / other
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2 — The onramp

Many ND couples need 30–60 minutes to shift attention into intimacy. Plan it.

Onramp activities (walk, shower, music, dim lights, no screens)

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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How long the onramp will take
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3 — Sensory prep

Lower the lights. Use the unscented sheets. Put on the white-noise machine. Skip the perfume. Small accommodations transform what's possible.

Lighting
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Sound
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Scent
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Texture (sheets, fabric)
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Temperature
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Anything to remove from the room
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4 — What counts as yes, no, not-now

Our agreed YES phrase
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Our agreed NO phrase
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Our agreed NOT-NOW phrase — with what real next time

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________

Our pause / stop signal during sex (same word every time, no interpretation)
______________________________________________

5 — What happens if it doesn't happen

Some scheduled sessions won't become sex. That's built into the system, not a failure of it.

If we both want to but the energy isn't there, we will

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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If one of us doesn't want to, we will (offer closeness if genuine, not as payment)

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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If RSD hits, we will (refer to RSD repair plan)

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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6 — Aftercare

Aftercare ritual we both want (sensory, verbal, touch, decompression, closure)

______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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7 — Signatures

This is a designer agreement. Update it whenever the system stops working for either of you.

Partner 1 signature
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Partner 1 date
______________________________________________

Partner 2 signature
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Partner 2 date
______________________________________________

Review again on
______________________________________________

Spontaneous is bonus: If you have spontaneous sex outside the schedule, that's wonderful. The schedule isn't a ceiling — it's a floor.