She Rocks the Spectrum

Sensory Map

Sensory preferences are state-dependent. What soothes today may overwhelm tomorrow when you're tired, stressed, hormonal, sick, burned out, or sensorily depleted. Treat this map as a snapshot, not a verdict. Most ND couples struggle with sex when sensory needs go unspoken. This worksheet gives you a vocabulary.

Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.

How to use this worksheet

Each partner fills out their own copy. Privately. Mark only what you know about yourself. Use the categories that apply. Skip what doesn't. Trade copies and read silently. No defending or explaining yet — just read. Pick ONE accommodation to try this week. Small. Specific. Scheduled.

Name
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Date
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Five senses — general

Sight — lighting, eye contact

• Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
• Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
• No (overwhelming): ____________________

Sound — music, talking, ambient

• Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
• Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
• No (overwhelming): ____________________

Touch — pressure, fabric

• Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
• Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
• No (overwhelming): ____________________

Smell — body, perfume, soap, sheets

• Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
• Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
• No (overwhelming): ____________________

Taste & temperature — mouth, body warmth, room

• Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
• Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
• No (overwhelming): ____________________

Five senses — intimate context

Some sensory things only show up at the edge of intimacy. Map those here.

Lighting — Bright / dim / candle / dark? What works at start? At peak?

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Sound — music, silence, talking dirty, breathing? What's grounding? What's distracting?

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Touch surfaces — bedding, fabrics, lubricants, body parts. What feels right? What feels wrong?

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Pressure — light, firm, weighted? Where on your body?

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Pacing — slow build, fast, with breaks? Predictable or improvised?

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Aftercare — what do you need in the 10 minutes after? Quiet? Touch? Words?

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Discussion & notes

The sensory profile is private: The conversation about it is the relationship.

Which of my partner's sensory needs surprised me?

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What is one accommodation I want to try this week?

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Is there a sensory NO of mine I haven't told my partner?

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What is one phrase we can use mid-sex to signal a sensory shift?

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