A Therapy Center for Autistic Girls & Women
She Rocks the Spectrum
Strong Follow-Up Questions
Couples who stay curious about each other fare better over the long run — they adapt to change, navigate bumps with resilience, and keep intimacy alive through a sense of discovery. But curiosity is a practice, and most of us get out of practice as familiarity grows.
You can start great, with a list of questions, and still feel the conversation fall flat. Usually that means the follow-ups ran out. This worksheet is a toolkit for the second question — the one that keeps things flowing instead of stalling.
The Building-Block Words
When you're not sure how to go deeper, reach for one of these. They almost always open a door.
- Who?
- What?
- How?
- Why?
- Where?
- When?
- Meaning?
- And…?
How it works in practice: If your partner says they have a sister, the follow-ups write themselves: 'Where does she live?' 'What's your relationship like with her now?' 'How are you like her — and how are you different?' One fact, three doors.
Curiosity Phrases
Sometimes you don't need a question — just an invitation to say more. Try these.
- Tell me more — I want to know you better.
- Fill me in, I want all the details.
- Okay, now I'm curious. Can you say more?
- I want to hear the story behind that.
Twenty Strong Follow-Ups
Keep these handy. Pick a few that feel natural to you and practice them this week.
- Can you tell me more about that?
- What meaning do you make of that?
- How did you feel when that happened?
- What changed for you when that happened?
- I imagine you're feeling ___. Is that true for you?
- How did / does that impact you?
- What do you mean by ___?
- What did you learn from that experience?
- What were / are you hoping for in that situation?
- What advice would you give yourself about that?
- How do you make sense of that experience?
- What changes when you think that?
- What stories are you creating about that?
- How have you tried to address this before?
- What was your intent in that situation?
- How do you interpret that?
- What would you do differently if you had it to do over?
- How did you contribute to that situation?
- How do you want this to be different in the future?
- How can I support you with that?
Practice
The two or three follow-ups that feel most natural for me to use:
______________________________________________
After trying them in a real conversation — what changed about how it went?
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
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A neurodiverse note: Follow-up questions are a gift to a partner who finds open-ended conversation hard — they give a clear, concrete next step instead of a vague 'tell me about your day.' Go gently, though: give processing time, and don't fire several in a row.
Source: Adapted from 'Conversation Starters for Connected Couples' by Gina Senarighi (2018). The neurodiverse guidance and exercises here are our own.
A gentle note: This worksheet is a learning tool, not treatment. If your relationship currently includes abuse, ongoing harm, or active crisis, please work with a qualified couples therapist instead.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- Neuro-Informed Reflective Listening, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. Reflective listening adapted for autistic and ADHD partners: say one thing, say it back, check that it landed.
- Staying Close, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. Stay close in ordinary weeks: small daily moments and a short check-in that fits you both.
- Communication Across Neurotypes, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why autistic and non-autistic people misunderstand each other: the double empathy problem, direct vs indirect styles, and cross-neurotype repair.