A Therapy Center for Autistic Girls & Women
She Rocks the Spectrum
The Friend Test
Most of us speak to ourselves in a voice we'd never use on someone we care about. The double-standard technique uses that gap on purpose: if you'd never say it to a friend, it probably isn't a fair thing to say to yourself either.
What I said to myself
The harsh thought, exactly as I said it to me
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Now a friend says it about themselves
Imagine someone you care about said this exact thing about their own situation.
What I'd genuinely say back to them
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Notice the gap
How different are those two responses?
Rate from 0 (The same) to 10 (Worlds apart): ____
Borrow your own kindness
The friend-version, turned toward me
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The gap is the clue: A big gap doesn't mean you're a hypocrite — it means you already have the fairer standard. You just aren't pointing it at yourself yet.