She Rocks the Spectrum

The Three-Sentence Formula

A small, non-blaming shape for asking your partner for a change.

When something needs to change, the reflex is to say what your partner is doing wrong. 'You always…' or 'You never…' Almost no one responds well to a sentence that starts that way. The Three-Sentence Formula gives you a small shape for asking for change without pushing your partner into defending themselves.

The formula

• Describe the current situation. Neutrally. 'We don't greet each other when we get home.'
• Describe what you'd like instead. 'I'd like us to find each other and say hello when we walk in.'
• Share why you're asking. 'It would help me feel acknowledged and connected.'

A gentle note: This is a tool for ordinary requests, not for big issues like betrayal, abuse, or chronic harm. Those need a therapist, not a formula.

Practice — three requests

Don't try to write the most important thing first. Start with something medium-sized. The point is to learn the shape; the heavy stuff goes easier after you've practiced on the small stuff.

Request One

Current situation — what is, neutrally. No 'you.'

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Desired situation — what you'd like instead

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Why you're asking — your reason, your need

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Request Two

Current situation

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Desired situation

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Why you're asking

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Request Three

Current situation

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Desired situation

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Why you're asking

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Reflect

Which sentence was hardest to write — the current, the desired, or the why?

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What's the very next request you want to try this on?

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