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Window of Tolerance Map

Your 'window of tolerance' is the zone where you feel regulated and able to cope. Above it is hyper-arousal — overwhelmed, panicky, agitated; below it is shut-down — numb, flat, disconnected. Mapping your own signs in each zone helps you, and a partner, catch the edges early, before a crash.

My three zones

Regulated — my signs when I'm inside the window

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Hyper-aroused — my signs when I'm tipping up

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Shut-down — my signs when I'm dropping below

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What tips me up or down

What pushes me out of the window (up or down)

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What brings me back

What helps me return to the middle

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A cue for my partner

A simple cue a partner can use — without making it worse

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Catching the edge early: Most regulation happens before the crash. The earlier you, or your partner, spot the tip, the gentler the way back.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

  • Naming the Loop, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. Draw one ordinary fight as a loop, tell a shutdown from stonewalling, name the pattern, and agree on a pause with a time to come back.
  • The Neurodivergent Nervous System, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Interoception, the autonomic ladder, and your window of tolerance — why neurodivergent systems react harder and recover slower.
  • Building Your Personal Regulation Toolkit, from The Neurodivergent Brain. The capstone: build a personal regulation plan around your wiring — name your state, match tools to it, catch overload early, design your space.
  • Meltdowns, Shutdowns, and the Partner's Role, from The Neurodiverse Couple. Telling a meltdown from a shutdown from an argument, the iceberg of load beneath the trigger, what helps in the moment, and the plan you build in advance.
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